Lizzie McGuire and Her So Called 'Life'
by August Rhapsody
Summary: This is a parody. We are parodifying the lame show of Lizzie McGuire and how terribly shallow our dear Lizzie is. So...guess what happens? LIZZIE DECIDES TO BE PUNK! With hilarious results! Watch me gag.


Authors Note: I hate Hilary Duff more than life itself. She is a lame girl who got waaay too far in stardom on absolutely NO talent in acting OR singing. I think she is a complete waste of money that could go to someone with actual TALENT. So, I am making fun of her stupid little show. I hope you enjoy. And I hope I change your mind so that you might hate her, if you like her anyways (you are wrong).  
  
**** One morning, Lizzie McGuire woke up to the cheerful sound of her alarm, and she smiled, sitting up in her neon pink bed among her 2,358.1145 fluffy pink and blue pillows. She breathed in the wonderful scent of her wonderful world (Scent One by MaryKate and Ashley's perfume line) (and yes that is a scent) and leapt out from under her covers, displaying her frilly white nightgown and her cute pink fuzzy toe socks.  
  
For Lizzie McGuire, the world was beautiful, even if Ethan didn't really like her the way she wanted him too. And she was beautiful, and Miranda was beautiful, and Gordo was...well, let's say he was...almost beautiful. One more makeover and he was there.  
  
Lizzie cheerfully turned on her radio to prepare for Saturday and heard the beautiful voice of Avril Lavigne as she sang a heart-wrenching song about her boyfriend being...hard...or confusing...or something like that (if you can tell, I don't like that girl either. No talent). Lizzie sat down on her bed and sighed a lonesome sigh, staring at herself in the mirror. And yes, she was beautiful, with her stringy dyed-blonde hair and her chubby little body and her way-too-wide mouth, but she wanted more. There was more to life that she hadn't figured out.  
  
Lizzie rapidly shoved her forefinger up her nose very far and then crammed it into her mouth, looking around fearfully. No one saw that, right?  
  
And then, as she listened to the hard-core punk-rock metal guitar chords in Avril's total rebel song, she was totally enlightened.  
  
"Hey!" she cried to her reflection in the mirror, as she ran over and grabbed her brush, holding it to her mouth. "I'll be a rock star!" And then, feeling overwhelmed with the brilliance of her new idea, she began screaming along to the song into her brush, bouncing around her room. She paused.  
  
"Wait, what's that really cool thing that those hard-core guys do on stage? They shake their head...really hard..." and she began to do that, shaking her head up and down and side to side. However, soon after, her blonde little head began to hurt and she whimpered, settling herself down into her fluffy purple chair, clutching at her blue pillow, embroidered with the word 'Princess' in pink, reminding her of how very special she was.  
  
"Lizzie! Time for breakfast!" her mom called happily from downstairs. Lizzie gasped and ran towards her closet, throwing it open to reveal mounds upon piles upon drawers of clothes. She sighed.  
  
Very quickly, hoping no one would see, Lizzie put her hand down the back of her pants, scratched at her butt for a while and then whipped it out again, sweat upon her forehead. Wow, life was harder than it looked.  
  
"Oh dear," she cried, quickly spazzing back to her preppy self, "I can't possibly wear the same thing twice, that's against the law of popularity! I'll have to wear this really cute thing that my mom bought me yesterday." She held up a salmon-colored shirt with stripes of apple-green sequins and really tight gold fake leather pants.  
  
Once she was dressed, she flew downstairs to see a steaming stack of pancakes waiting for her on the table. Gasping, she stopped and turned to her mom, who stood by the table, waiting for approval. Lizzie's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Oh, Mom, thanks so much! This means so much to me, but really, I'm watching my figure."  
  
Lizzie's Mom sighed and looked terribly crestfallen. Just then Lizzie thought of something that might brighten her up.  
  
"Guess what, though, Mom! I've decided what I want to be when I grow up."  
  
"Really? A model? Oh, I knew you were meant for it, sweetie! I..."  
  
"No! I'm going to be a rock star! Like Avril Lavigne!"  
  
Lizzie's Mom gasped. "Great! So do you want to take guitar lessons?" Her blue eyes danced and sparkled as her thin face trembled with excitement. Lizzie looked confused, her pudgy little face squinted up.  
  
"Wait...rock stars play guitar?"  
  
***  
  
Lizzie decided that she needed to go out and buy all new clothes to be the perfect punk rock star. So she went straight to her favorite store- Limited Too! Squealing, she threw herself through the shiny clear doors and onto a rack of sparkly pink tank tops.  
  
"Like, Omigod, I just love this store!" she screamed to everyone, throwing her arms out and twirling around, gasping at the beauty of everything. "Well, there's no time to waste." Reaching into her white faux fur purse, she pulled out a pair of glasses and settled their black rims on her nose. She had punched out the lenses so her eyes wouldn't get harmed by the prescription (she had stolen them) but they made her look really smart. "There! Now I'm just like the girl from Legally Bonde!"  
  
She marched over to one of the shelves and sighed. "Wow, this is just perfect for punks!" she screamed in a rather unnecessarily loud voice, reaching down and grabbing a black tank top with the word 'PUNK' in pink fluff on the front. "Oh, and this!" It was a white long-sleeve, with the words 'I AM HARD-CORE HEAR ME ROAR' with the words 'LIMITED TOO!!' underneath in sequins.  
  
"MOM!" Lizzie screeched in her terribly high-pitched voice, bouncing over to her mom. "LOOK AT THIS." Her mother winced.  
  
"Lovely, darling, really. But look...it's fifty dollars."  
  
"So?" Lizzie giggled. Everyone in the store ran for cover as she spoke again. "After I become famous we'll have lots of money! Oh, look at this!" All day, Lizzie shopped and shopped, going to Abercrombie and Fitch, Gap, and all the other awesome punk stores. Suddenly, however, she saw a boy.  
  
GASP. A BOY.  
  
No, but this boy was different. He was strange. His pants were black and baggy, his shoes had the word 'Vans' on the side, and he had a sweatshirt with the name 'Reel Big Fish' on it. Lizzie stared. Reel Big Fish, what did that mean? Was it a clothing line? She sure hoped so.  
  
His hair was brown and longish and shaggy with flecks of green, and his skin was tan. He was with another boy with blue hair.  
  
"Oh. My. Gosh." Was all Lizzie could say. Her pink mouth gawked. "Mom, I have to pee! Help me, in the bathroom, please? I don't think I can do it on my own."  
  
* * *  
  
Authors Note: Yell at me at how cruel I am being to such a stupid poser all you want. I still hate her. I still laugh at what I am writing. Thank you. *Bows* 


End file.
